I am Fickle Cattle.: The Winner of Fickle Cattle's Very First Fabulously Fantastic Giveaway is...

I am Fickle Cattle.: The Winner of Fickle Cattle's Very First Fabulously Fantastic Giveaway is...

I was surprised and happy to win and look forward to using my gift card at the CSN Stores (csnstores.com)!

Thanks for the opportunity and please check out my blog...Wish I Was on Higher Ground (I am just beginning to write and would love the comments).
And also, you should really check out the blog of the contest organizer, I am Fickle Cattle!

Thanks!

Six Word Sunday!

I picked this up from one of the blogs that I follow, "Crazy Thoughts" by Starlight...this is just for a day when you just do not seem to create like you feel that you should; It is something to share and a it can be challenge to pick the words that actually paint the picture of your day! I loved reading those created by fellow bloggers. Here is my first stab at it, have a nice Sunday!

Solitariness,

Introspective,

Snuggled,

Snuffly,

Affirmed,

Prizewinner!

Lavender Veil...

Wrapped in warmth beneath a pale, lavender veil...coolness settles down upon the shoulders that have escaped from my cocoon.

I turn and stretch, pushing the harsh light away from my sleepy vision as I resist the necessary order of the day.

Secure and serene, I wish to languish in the warmth, forever.

Unwrapped, exposed, as I ride along my way; breeze caresses my face and I notice the earth wrapped in a silken mist.

Water lies invisible beneath the bridge as I cross over, the trees hidden from my sight by swirling billows of a filmy, gauze cloak.

The sun is a far and diffuse broken light that attempts to push through the cocoon...

It is as if the earth reflects my lazy morning view as the day bursts upon us.

Secure and serene, mother nature echos my wish to languish and hide from the necessary order of the day... beneath her pale, lavender veil!

The Bloody Bus (Entry 1)

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you might be shocked to find that I have held a beating heart in my hands. That's right...an already opened chest, via a rib spreader, reach right in and hold the beating heart, IN MY HANDS! It is one of the most awesome yet terrifying events of my life, ever- bar none!

Actually known as open chest cardiac massage, it is a extreme measure in very "progressive" emergency room medicine, that keeps the life blood flowing.

Picture a scene from Grey's Anatomy, high anxiety, life saving, chaotic mess where people are pushed to the edge in the biggest fight of all, they are busting ass to save a life!

Me, I did that...let me share with you some of the beginning!

For over 20 years, I worked on the "bloody bus" better known as an ambulance, here in the U.S.

Kind of interesting, but for most of my life I have done things that I don't really think I should have been doing; things that stretched my boundaries to places I could never envision. Stuff that was so scary to me, if I had thought too much, I may not have never done it. Then again, you gotta eat, right?

I started out in a really destructive marriage at the tender age of 19 and when forced to get out, I had to scramble for a job. I had been pretty much working since age 12 and earning my own money, but this was the first time that I had to figure out a way to support my entire life. You know roof over your head and all that crap, it was a bit daunting for me.

I waited tables for a while, which I was pretty good at. Problem being "the joint" was a small family business. They were okay, but "Crazy Papa" was the driving force of the whole thing, while his older son "managed" the staff. So, wives, brothers, sisters and girlfriends, the connections never ended in that small diner! The underlying relationship fracas was ever present, but as long as you avoided the iron fist-ed, red faced, fowl mouth Papa, you could comfortably keep your head above water.

I was managing to make it in this Italian circle of love, because I do fit in... my Great Grandmother from Sicily covered that connection for me.

Also, being the ever angelic, conscientious person that I am, I was there on time, worked extra did not eat the expensive items on my meal breaks. It was a seafood restaurant, which in my neck of the swamp, is nothing short of a fantastic fare.... we could eat whatever we pleased on our meal breaks, although you had better steer clear of Papa's precious crabs!

The story had been told that "Crazy Papa" had once thrown a guy clean- out through the kitchen door screen for chomping down on one of his precious, soft shell crabs! And that this guy had created further havoc by having the nerve to knock over 10 hampers of live crawfish, as he scrambled out of the direct path of the old man while running for his life. The "boiler boys" had to chase the damn crawfish all over the parking lot for an hour to get them into the boiling pot for that night's menu... the guy poor guy never showed his face again.

But me, I had dreams and ambitions. I wanted to do other things with my life. I had skills you know! I had already worked in small town journalism and with the added joy of getting a picture published now and then! I went to college for just a short time and I really was into journalism and psychology.

Long story, short~ I was tossed from the loving bosom of the Italian restaurant family, because it was rumored that I was looking for another "work situation". Damn "Crazy Papa" forced his son to let me go, because I might just walk out on them and leave them waitress-less.

Translated, sweet cousin Ana from down the road in Boutte just got divorced and needed my shift!

I took up work, in telephone sales, on short order...it was the fastest thing I could find. Needless to say, that was less than an ideal work situation.

A friend of mine who worked for an answering service/ambulance emergency dispatch service (okay, stop laughing it was a small town and 911 had not yet been invented) was going to take a course for Emergency Medical Technician. The class was 6 only months long and our local ambulance service was looking for employees to use in the field .

Hmmmm, no long haul of education needed for this job, when I was a kid I thought that I might want to be a nurse, the pay was decent and so far I had never fainted at the sight of blood. Sounds like it might this might be right up my alley, besides what could I lose, my crappy telemarketer gig?

End of Entry 1: The Bloody Bus

Feels Like Fluff!

This blogging thing can be addictive!

People have told me all of my life, you need to write, you need to publish a book, you are talented, you have stories to tell!

Well, as it turns out, I also have a few flaws (being human and all)! One of the mega weaknesses that looms large over me is that I am just plain afraid! I am not afraid to be known, or of being honest, or even of letting you see who I am, all the way to my guts. I am in fear of not being good enough or of making a technical mistake.

Not really my fault (she says was a sideways smile) I had interesting parents. I was not sexually abused, or beaten. I was just never nurtured.

They had problems, they were very human, my parents. They were without a play book and never understood the power of their effect.

They could not manage to punch their way out of their own thin paper sacks that held them so blind. So, surely they never saw the 3 little kids standing before them. Kids that counted on their love and acceptance in order to grow strong and withstand this harsh world.

So there I was, this sensitive being, in a place that may have been a little less than giving. I am an innate dreamer, I wanted wings to fly away. I wanted to be good enough. In a world where I never was.

The point of this short post is to let all of you know, I am learning so much from being here. By just reading about you and your days, your issues, and your families. You let me into your dreams and your convictions, very powerful stuff! You all are the brave ones...

I wanted these words to say to you; I feel more free and I am beginning to live in less fear of being judged for silly stuff. If the damn comma is in the wrong spot or if I make some tragic mistake, it's just too freaking bad!

Maybe the blogger gestapo will come and toss me out on my ear; barring entry from this cyber-plane, forever!

I must get over it or I will type my words on the keyboard and nothing will appear on the screen, ever! Maybe when I wake tomorrow, I only have thumbs and typing will be an impossible fray of jumbled, nonsensical letters meaning that my message and thoughts will never push through.

If that is the case, ban me! Don't come back!

But I hope that you will return...

To my blogger buddies, like Spitfire, you guys make it real... and I admire you for that!

I might want to be a bird and I might want to fly. But I don't have to fly away!

I might have feathers, but I am not just fluff!

I have stories within, about my world and life, I love taking my photos.

I really do feel amazing when I disengage from reality and have a moment to create. I love the feeling of typing in order to just to take the ride and see where it ends. I want to let you ride with me and along the way I may discover the truth about who I am or maybe I will just take off the seat belt and let 'er fly!

PILLAR

Strong, Tall

Deeply Rooted

Enduring

Solid

Proud

Capable

Timeless

Withstanding Suns Heat

Winter Rains

Immovable...

Tear Stained

Unscathed

Foundational

Unwavering,

In Shadow

Or Light

Chipped and Scarred

But Never Broken

Eternal...

My Love

Fall Whisper...

This is my favorite time of year... I love the change, that breath of fresh,crisp air and that feeling of the coming stillness.

The light is so soft, yet somehow it seems to make bolder the vibrant colors of the trees on display.

I find it odd to recognize this trait in myself, because in Louisiana we do not have much in the way of a "change of seasons". So how did I, a child born of southern humidity, develop such an innate penchant for fall?

For me, the sensation come from deep within. This is not from just some surface longing for something cooler; but rather comes from some prehistoric, ingrained exposure... causing a need for life to slow and pause for a "cryogenic" state, of sorts.

Where not only the physical earth becomes dormant and rests, but where human longing grabs hold to make room inside for renewal and a review of life as we know it.

A space in time where people are allowed to wrap up, relax, snuggle and just "BE".

This place in time comes along with a balance of day and night, which further enhances a chance for rest and reflection. Maybe time near a fireplace or a moment to sip a steamy cup of tea...restorative, reflective, peaceful.

The season enfolds you like a lover and whispers softly, "slow down".

I am overcome with the look, spirit and feel of fall. I have given over to the whisper... I wish for us all, if only for a moment, a place in which to "BE"!